If Singapore were to have Superheroes, they would probably be named after iconic Singapore Foods.
Meet PRATA MAN!
Prata Man?
A normal Prata Man flipping pratas for a living when one day he was bitten by a radioactive prata and gain the powers of... PRATA MAN!
He can flip prata dough out his hands, stretching the dough as large as needed to trap criminals in the dough, or stop runaway trucks or even MRT trains!
Then there is KAYA TOAST GIRL!
An ordinary girl making Kaya Toast for breakfast when she was bitten by a Radioactive Kaya Toast giving her the powers of.... KAYA TOAST GIRL!
Then there is CHILLI CRAB MAN!
He was eating Chilli Crabs when he was bitten by a radioactive Crab and gain the powers of CHILLI CRAB MAN!
His sidekick is CEREAL PRAWN BOY!
HAR CHEONG GUY was eating Prawn Paste Chicken when he was bitten by... you guessed it - radioactive Prawn Paste Chicken! And gain the powers of Prawn Paste Chicken! And decided to fight crime as HAR CHEONG GUY!
Other superheroes include MURTABAK MAN! EPOK-EPOK KID. SAMOSA LASS. ORANG AYAM PENYET. And his brother ORANG AYAM GEPREK. BABA BUAH KELUAK. BIBI PONGTEH.
Then there is the sad tale of DURIAN MAN. While picking durians in the plantation, he was hit on the head by a falling Radioactive Durian and knocked unconscious. When he came to, he found that he had the powers of DURIAN MAN! Which means that he is not allowed in many hotels, and all buses and the MRT. DURIAN MAN is currently saving up money for a COE to buy his DURIAN MOBIL.Which is difficult as he cannot really go anywhere on public transit to earn money. He is currently working as a YouTube influencer.
writing-in-the-grave came up with this amazing fantasy story idea about a tiny, wimpy, very pathetic dragon named Altheria. She has blunt horns, teeth, and claws. She’s even smaller than a cat and she only has one gold coin in her hoard. So anyway, she gets this crazy idea to go on a quest to rescue a princess (there’s fan art by artfromthevoid below too!):
I thought the new (or interim) Black Panther was underwhelming. I did not get the impression of strength or agility or resilience from the new Black Panther. The new protector of Wakanda was more pussycat than panther. An angry or vengeful pussycat, but still a pussycat.
Namor was also underwhelming. Killmonger was more menacing, and had more swagger. Namor was calm, reasonable, and civilised. There was no sense of dread or menace from him.
<The Press Briefing. 9 Aug 1965. Lee Kuan Yew and his Cabinet faces the press. The journalists wait expectantly, respectfully quiet. Lee would be speaking. He is gathering his thoughts. There is no prepared statement. No carefully worded press release. No notes. Lee is speaking off the cuff. The silence is deafening. It's quiet enough to hear a clock ticking....>
LKY: "You see, the whole of my adult life, <pause> I had believed in Malaysia and Merger and the unity of these two territories. You know it's a people who... connected by geography, economics and ties of kinship <pause. tears up> <This segment could be the recorded TV footage. After the pause, Lee could speak>
"Would you mind if we stop for a while?"
<Time Stops. The ticking clock stops ticking.>
LKY: Where do we go from here?
Choo: <off stage/screen, sings echo-ey> "Where do we go from here." <Walks on stage.> So you're singing songs from Evita now? [Note: Evita was written in the late 70s, so this is an anachronism.]
LKY: I don't know what to do!
Choo: That has never stopped you. You may not know the exact next step, but you always know where you are heading.
LKY: And look where I have brought us: to disaster! I wanted Merger. I wanted a future with Malaysia. I wanted Singapore to be the shining gem in Malaysia... And now we will NEVER be!
Choo: We may never be a shining gem in Malaysia, but there's no reason we can't be a shining gem, anyway.
See the moon and the stars, look how far we have come Look around at our faces, they shine brightly in the sun With our hopes and dreams, imagine what tomorrow it may bring What do you see?
LKY: <Sings> What do you see?
Choo: You wanted Singapore to be independent of British rule, of Japanese rule. And then you sought to put Singapore under Malaysian rule? Why would you think that that would be better? For almost two years, you and your colleagues tried to make it work, try to wring some benefit out of this Merger. But all you got was grief. They take from us, exploit us, tell us what we can and cannot do, and we never got the access to the common market we had wanted. All we got was blood for our sweat and tears. You call this your Moment of Anguish -- what are you anguished about? They gave us independence, not out of altruism or for our best interest. But to see us fail. To see your Moment of Anguish. And now you have given them that Moment of Anguish. They are laughing at you back in Kuala Lumpur, Harry. They are patting themselves on their backs for finally getting back at the redoubtable Harry Lee. They are gleefully recounting to each other your Moment of Anguish. Laughing at your tears. And now, they are waiting for you to fail. For Singapore to fail. For your silly idealistic "Malaysian Malaysia", meritocratic equality to fail spectacularly.
LKY: <pauses for a long while. reflects. tears. Then quietly defiant.> Tan Ku Ku.
Choo: I see your Hokkien lessons are bearing fruit.
LKY: What has happened, has happened. There is no use crying over spilt milk. The only way forward, is forward. I have to change... how I see things. As you say, we may not be a shining gem in Malaysia, but we can still be a shining gem... to the world.
LKY: <Sings> "Then I know I’ve got to be the change I want to see "
Choo: <sings> "How easy we forget that everything takes time "
LKY <Sings> "No, nothing's ever perfect, but it will still be fine."
Choo: Let Malaysia be Malay. We will be Singapore.
LKY: We won't be a Chinese nation, or a Malay nation, or an Indian Nation. We will be a shining example for unity in a diversity of language, religion, culture. Everyone will have a place here. Everyone will be equal under the law.
<Time resumes. The clock starts ticking again.>
LKY: <To the camera, to the journalists, after composing himself> To the People of Singapore. What has happened, has happened. Be firm. Be calm. We are going to have a multi-racial nation in Singapore. We will set the example. This is not a Malay nation. This is not a Chinese nation. This is not an Indian nation. Everybody will have his place. Equal. Language, Culture. Religion.
Cast: <sings to the tune of "One People, One Nation, One Singapore" (words slightly tweaked)>
We'll build a place for us with our hands
We're searching for a place in this land
Look how far we've had to roam, searching for our new home
Let's reach out for the future, join our hands forevermore
We'll build a nation with our hands
The sons and daughters from a dozen lands
Strangers searching as we roam, this is where we've found out home
Let's reach out for our future, join our hands forevermore
Chorus:
One people, one nation, one Singapore
That's the way that we will be from this day forth
Every creed and every race, has its role and has its place
One people, one nation, one Singapore
What do you see
See the moon and the stars, look how far we have come Look around at our faces, they shine brightly in the sun With our hopes and dreams, imagine what tomorrow it may bring What do you see? What do you see?
Verse 2:
Now the time has come to reach out, To open up to see That we stand together in this land Cos we are family As thoughts of reaching to the sky are carried on a dream With hearts and minds united, our dreams we will achieve What do you see? What do you see?
Chorus 2:
See the moon and the stars, look how far we have come Look around at our faces, they shine brightly in the sun With our hopes and dreams, imagine what tomorrow it may bring What do you see…
Bridge: What do you see when life makes you take on a mountain You’ll see that nothing’s gonna stand in your way Together we can share The strength of a million and the courage of a million more
Chorus End:
See the moon and the stars, look how far we have come Look around at our faces, they shine brightly in the sun With our hopes and dreams, imagine what tomorrow it may bring Cos the sky’s the only limit when you’re not afraid to dream What do you see? What do you see..
Below is a speech to the graduating class of 2008 at NTU convocation ceremony by Adrian Tan, a litigation lawyer and the author of The Teenage Textbook. Read it! It's hilarious but very meaningful.
Adrian Tan
[Nov 2008]
I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.
My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.
On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.
Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
[Note: Most (if not all) of our trains, NEL, Circle Line, DTL, are driverless.... and humourless...]
A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers....
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction”.
“Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.”
“Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now....’Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....’”.
“We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that”.
“Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity, failing that, give it to me.”
During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: “step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately towels are not provided”.
“Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause ...) “Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I’m going home....”
“Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open’. The two are distinct and separate instructions.”
“Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”
“We can’t move off because some idiot has their f***ing hand stuck in the door” “To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?”
“Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL belongings away from the doors (Pause...) This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train - put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways”
[Cooment: So much for the much vaunted, “stiff upper lip” and Brit reserve, eh?]
“May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage”.
[This was posted to my Facebook Status about 11 years ago (around 2011). ]
The Facebook relationship status is too limited. And "it's complicated" is just asking for trouble. Here are some more specific suggestions.
Instead of "Single", we should have:
Single but looking Single and swinging Single and unaware of how ugly I am Single but realistic about the prospect of finding someone at this stage in life Single and still attracted to people who wouldn't give me the time of day Single but has hi-speed internet and know how to access porn Single but with membership to adult shop Single and resigned to the fact that I will die alone Single but happy (until my drugs/batteries run out). Single and on Chatroulette [new editions:]
Single-with wonderful friends all over the world Single-lonely and sad Single-still hopeful Single-given up on love
Instead of "in a relationship", "in an open relationship" and "it's complicated", we should have:
Secretly interested in someone Stalking someone Being stalked by someone In a one-sided relationship "Victim" of a one-sided relationship Dating someone but not exclusively Dating several someones... exclusively! In an exclusive relationship with someone who is in an open relationship In an exclusive relationship, but could be tempted In an exclusive relationship but could be mistaken (he doesn't know it yet!) Engaged, so presumably relationship is exclusive. (Damn!) Engaged, but having doubts. Engaged, for the purpose of registering for a flat (Singapore only) Engaged cos couldn't think of a reason to say no (STD were in remission)
Instead of "Married" we could have:
Recently Married, so still figuring out where all the bits go. Married but starting to have doubts. Married, so it's too late now (Strict Catholics only) Married, seems like forever. Married but available (Don't tell wife/husband) Married but doesn't take vows seriously Married for the sex, but the novelty has worn off Married for the money, but that has run out Married for love, but reality is starting to set in Married but wish I wasn't Would be happily married if it weren't for the in-laws. [additions/amendments:] Married and Catholic, so my only way out now is suicide or murder
Married- my first/my second/my xth... Married- legal only in X country/state Married- same sex Married- to my car/ mortgage/ pet....
Instead of "Divorced" or "Separated":
Came to senses finally Getting rid of "cling wrap" Free again! Sleeping with Divorce Lawyer
[This was written about 11 years ago in my Facebook "Notes". But Facebook no longer promotes "Notes", though old notes are kept and occasionally I run across them in the "Memories" feature. I'm moving my notes to my blogs so I can access them when I want.]
Hot, Flat & Crowded is a book by Thomas Friedman who, as a book reviewer notes, "is a journalist, and journalists needs editors, and this book needs serious editing. It's 400 pages of small type. There's a 220 page book in here somewhere, struggling to get out."
This is not that 220-page book, but the highlights of the book.
Let me just say up front that I am not a critical reviewer. Though I can be critical. But I tend to think of myself as an average person with an opinion, and I try to breakdown my opinions and provide some analysis.
Which is not to say that my reviews or opinions are objectively correct. Or even objective.
I may have mentioned that the purpose of these "reviews" (such as they are) is to study good, and bad writing or story-telling. And perhaps influence my writing.
That said, I also watch these series for personal interests, and because, this was late 2020 and early 2021, when the world was in lockdown, and there was not much travel between countries. And we have been travelling to Australia and Japan for holidays every year. So 2020 was a "lost" year.
And the only way to visit Japan, was via these shows.
I did not set out to find Japanese shows to assuage my unfulfilled need to travel. It just happened. And then these shows reminded me of times we were in Japan, and how much I miss travelling in Japan now.
[First written in Jan 2020. Then left in draft. Then Covid19 (which has nothing to do with this, but let's blame everything bad on it). ]
Why Captain Marvel is bad. Why MIB International was sad. Why Charlie's Angels (2019) was pointless. Why the latest Dr Who (lady!) was a disappointment.
There are lots of opinions on YouTube for all the above.
2019 had some fantastic shows.
Avengers: Endgame was a huge hit, and wrapped up 22 movies very nicely, entertainingly, emotionally satisfyingly, and commercially successfully.
But while that was a big hit, there were also disappointingly bad films and TV shows.
ah beng is so smart,
already he can watch tv and know the whole story
your kim cheong is also quite smart,
what boy is he in the exam?
this playground is not too bad, but I'm always
so worried, car here and car there.
at exam time, it's worse
because you know why?
kim cheong eats so little.
give him some complan. my ah beng was like that,
now he's different, if you give him anything
he's sure to finish it all up.
sure, sure, cheong's father buys him
vitamins but he keeps it inside his mouth
& later gives it to the cat.
i scold like mad but what for?
if I don't see it, how can I scold?
on saturday, tv showed a new type,
special for children , why don't you call
his father buy some? maybe they are better.
money's no problem, it's not that
we want to save, if we buy it
& he doesn't eat it, throwing money
into the jamban is the same.
ah beng's father spends so much,
takes out the mosaic floor & wants
to make terrazzo floor or what.
we also go new furniture, bought from diethelm
the sofa is so soft, I dare not sit, they all
sit like don't want to get up, so expensive.
nearly two thousand dollars, sure must be good.
that you can't say, my toa-soh
bought an expensive sewing machine,
after 6 months,it is already spoilt,
she took it back but.....beng,
come here, come, don't play the fool.
your tuition teacher is coming,
wah, kim cheong, now you're quite big.
come cheong, quick go home and bathe.
ah pah wants to take you chya-hong in a new motor-car
"He was in the Bible. God told him that there would be heavy rains for 40 days and 40 nights, and there would be a flood. So God told him to prepare for the flood by building a BIG boat called an "Ark". And into this ark Noah was to bring two of every animals, to save them from the flood."
"So he got all the animals into the ark?"
"Yes. He got two pigs, two chickens - a rooster and a hen, two cows - well actually one was a bull, two dogs, two cats, two goats..."
"What about elephants? Did he bring elephants?"
She was obsessed with elephants.
"Oh yes. He didn't forget about the elephants and the zebras and the giraffes, and lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"
"And unicorns?"
"Well, he couldn't find any unicorns. Because they were so rare! So unfortunately, there weren't any unicorns on the Ark. And so that's why there are no unicorns today."
