Most presumptuous Christmas Song ever

I'd like to nominate "Do they know its Christmas" as one of the dumbest, most presumptuous, ethno/culturo-centric Christmas song ever.




Hear me out.

This was a BandAid song (Band aid. Isn't that just a temporary bandage for minor cuts?) intended to help the people of Africa.

It starts out fine... for one line.

It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid

At Christmas time, we let in light and

we banish shade 

"Banish shade?". Shade in Africa means trees. No shade means no trees. No trees means deforestation, global warming and climate change!

The song goes on smugly taunting the less fortunate:

And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time

But say a prayer -

pray for the other ones

at Christmas time

"Other ones"? So... we don't identify with them? It's us... and then there's "the other ones"?

Some more deprecating lines and some smug thanksgiving:

It's hard, but when you're having fun

There's a world outside your window

And it's a world of dreaded fear

Where the only water flowing is a bitter sting of tears

And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom

Well tonight thank God

it's them instead of you

Thank God it's them instead of you.

And then here comes the dumb parts.

And there won't be snow in

Africa

this Christmastime

There're reasons why it doesn't snow in Africa. Geographical reasons. And no, we don't want it to snow in Africa. If it does, large numbers of animals evolved to deal with the African heat will die of hypothermia! And the "starving Africans" who don't have enough to eat, now have to worry about not having enough to wear as well in the freezing cold! And if not having snow during Christmastime is a great suffering, hey! We're suffering here in Singapore too! And the Australians! They want some of that Band Aid too cos there won't be snow in Australia this Christmastime either! And if the Australians get it, the New Zealanders want their share too!

And then the next line:

The greatest gift they'll get this year is life

As opposed to YOUR greatest gift you'll get this year...? Which is what? an iPhone? So an iPhone is better than life? Or a Nespresso machine? A Nespresso machine is better than life?

And we come to the jump off point

(Oooh) Where nothing ever grows

No rain nor rivers flow

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Do you know your geography? Africa is a vast continent with diverse climate from desert to deep jungle, with the 2nd longest river in the world! No rivers flow? Ever heard of the Nile? Lots of people live in Denial (The Nile).

Then more smugness!

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone

(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Ya. they're underneath that burning sun because you self-righteous twits banish shade in the second line of this song! Bloody goondus!

And finally,

Feed the world

Let them know it's Christmastime (repeat ad nauseum)

So we feed them only during Christmas? What if they're Muslims and celebrate Eid al-Fitr? What if they sang back to you "Do you know it's Eid al-Fitr at all?" Do you even know when it is? Does it matter that for them Eid al-Fitr has more relevance to them than Christmas?

"Do they know its Christmas" - one of the dumbest, most presumptuous Christmas song ever.

I rest my case.

[This was from my Facebook notes 12 years ago. But Facebook is no longer supporting the "notes" feature. The old notes are still there, but not really accessible, and presumably, you can't write new notes now. So I "rescued" this from Facebook.]

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Dumb Christmas Songs - Part 2

Part two of an occasional series on dumb modern Christmas songs...



Here are the lyrics of this year's nominee:

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
The very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special..."

I try to be fair to these new age songs. So for example, I might have pointed out that if this year, you decided that you would give your heart to someone special to save you heart ache, then why didn't you give it to someone special in the first place (last christmas)? Wasn't it kind of dumb to randomly give your heart to nobody special?

Of course, it may well be that he gave his heart to someone special last year, and she was callous with his gift, and so when he said, that this year he was giving it to someone special he was in a sense giving a backhanded insult to last year's recipient, by saying in effect that she was no longer special.

So, I'll let that one go.

Instead, I'll focus on the first two lines - "I gave you my heart... you gave it away".

If you gave your heart to A, apparently it means that you gave your love to A.

A however makes the illogical conclusion that Your heart = love and it is a negotiable instrument. So A can apparently give YOUR heart to someone else as a token of A's love. Which is silly 'cos it is YOUR heart, so it is YOUR love, so if A give YOUR heart to B, it would mean that B now has YOUR love. So, apparently, the singer of this dumb song now loves some stranger... according to the lyrics of the song.

Which would be fine if B were female (assuming that the singer is a heterosexual male, and he gave his heart to a female, A. But why would A give the heart to another female unless A is bisexual or a lesbian. If A is heterosexual and wanted to give a heart, it is most likely that B would be male. And so some guy now has the singer's love... wonderful.

But that's just being ridiculous. I understand creative licence, but in the first place, no one really believes that one's heart as representative of one's affection is a negotiable instrument that can be transferred from recipient to recipient which is the illogical assumption of this song.

Dumb song.