In the Beginning (The Word According to a Foodie Singaporean)

The Word according to a Singaporean

In the beginning, God was a little peckish, and he said, "Let there be an egg"; and there was an egg. It was small and packed with nutrients and he said, "needs salt"; and there was salt. And God saw that it was good. But it could be better. So he said, "Let there be another egg," and he added, "poached!"; and it was poached. And God thought, "this has possibilities", so he said, "let there be many eggs, poached, and boiled, hard and soft, and scrambled and omelette-ed, and souffle-ed and steamed and fried over easy, and over hard and sunny side up, and firm and runny"; and there were eggs that were poached, soft-boiled, hard-boiled, and scrambled, and omelette-ed and souffle-ed, and steamed, and fried over easy, over hard, and sunny-side up and firm and runny and salted and preserved (century eggs). And God ate it all and said, "this is the best thing since before sliced bread (which he was going to create the next day). And so ended the first day.



On the second day, God said, "Let there be Bread, to go with the eggs"; and there was a bread basket with rolls, and croissants, and hard breads, and soft rolls, and milk breads, and brioche (which was almost like a cake) and muffins (the English ones, not that cupcake American ones), and and flat breads like tortillas, pita, and naans, and batards, and baguettes and ciabatta and foccacia and breadsticks. And God saw that it could be better, so God said, "Let's fry those suckers!" And there was fried bread like prata, and thosai, and chapati and roti jala, and deep fried dough things like yew tiao, and hum cheem paeng, and that butterfly-shaped fried dough, and deep fried mantou. And God saw that it was good. But sometimes simple is best, so God said, "let there be sliced bread to go with my eggs... and toast it!" And there was toast. And the second day ended.

On the third day, God said, "I need coffee"; and there was coffee, black, no sugar, because that's how God likes it. "And bring me some toast, and two soft-boiled eggs, runny just the way I like them"; and there was Ah Koon. And God bit into his toast and went, "Huh? What is this in my toast?"

"Kaya," said Ah Koon.

"Good stuff," said God. "Let there also be Toast with butter and sugar, Toast with peanut butter, French Toast, and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich, and Eggs Benedict (poached eggs and ham on English muffin with Hollandaise sauce) and let it be washed down with kopi and kopi-o and kopi-c and teh-o and teh, and teh-c and teh-halia, and milo and horlicks; and there was Toast with butter and sugar, and Toast with peanut butter, and French Toast, and Grilled Cheese Sandwich, and Eggs Benedict and kopi and kopi-o and kopi-c and teh-o and teh and teh-c and teh-halia and milo and horlicks. In other words, Ya Kun. And God said, "Let there be stuff in prata and call it Murtabak, and stuff for the tortilla to wrap around and call it a burrito or a chimichanga or a wrap. And the third day was a wrap.

On the fourth day, God was really inspired and He said, "let there be carrot cake (the starchy, Chinese type) and let it be fried with lots of dark sauce!" And there was Fried Carrot Cake (dark). "Now let's see the white one"; and there was Fried Carrot Cake (white). "Let there be Nasi Lemak, and Lor Mai Kai, and Fan Choy, and Siew Mai, and Char Siew Pau and Tua Pau and Mee Rebus, and Mee Siam, and Putu Mayam, and Laksa, and Mee Goreng and Mee Tai Bak, and Fried Kway Teow, and Fried Bee Hoon, and Chee Cheong Fun, and Chwee Kueh, and Chut Bi Png, and Bak Chang. And God ate it all and saw that it was good. Just before he fell into a carbo coma.

On the fifth day, God wanted something simple and easy on the stomach. "Let there be peanut porridge!" And there was Peanut Porridge. "Needs pepper." And there was pepper. "And maybe Sesame Oil." And there was Sesame Oil. "Maybe a Salted Egg." And there was Salted Egg. "And maybe drop a raw egg into the hot porridge to give it some 'Ooomp!'" And there was a raw egg in the hot porridge, and it gave the porridge 'Oomph!'.

On the sixth day, God created Bacon, and saw that it was good.

And on the Seventh Day, God had Sunday Brunch Buffet.

And rested.